Conservatives Equate Healthcare Reform to 9/11
How long can Glenn Beck ride freely on the pain and suffering caused by the tragic events of the 9/11 terrorist attacks? The bit where he cried on television was great, obviously a little forced, but I imagine he sheds those same exact tears when he gets turned down at the gay bar.
Of course, due to his public political stance and strict religious guidelines, Beck can’t come out of the closet without risking his very livelihood. Thankfully, that doesn’t stop him from constantly giving us tiny little nuggets of hilarity disguised as serious concerns.
His newest drive aims to slow momentum on the progress of any effective healthcare reform by telling people to prepare for battle as if they were facing another 9/11.
The Golden State’s Push to Legalize Cannabis Drives John Standish Insane
At a hearing on Wednesday it was agreed that California may legalize recreational use of marijuana within it’s borders, though federal laws remain unchanged.
One key point was the the massive amount of revenue to be generated from the plant, close to a billion dollars. These days, many people simply prefer pot to alcohol. America’s codependent attitude toward beer and liquor may finally be rivaled by it’s insatiable appetite for premium, high quality cannabis.
A number of ballot measures are in the works to legalize, tax and regulate the plant within the state. The citizens of California are backing these movements with the ferocity of a rabid dog. One resident said, “I believe it should be legal, it’s completely harmless–less dangerous than alcohol–and it’s been proven to be a phenomenal medicine!”
A school teacher and mother of 3 told me, “Pot is illegal for one reason only, to maintain a cultural divide. Lot’s of people get high, but the government can target whoever it wants, and they rarely target violent drug dealing gangs or anyone with a gun. They’d rather go for the easy catch, the single mother with a few plants in her back yard or the old man smoking a joint on his porch.”
First U.S. Official Resigns in Protest to Afghan War
Matthew Hoh will become the first U.S. official to resign in protest to the fumbled war in Afghanistan. The former Marine Corps captain worked his way up the ladder into the Pentagon and State Department. Most recently, he was the senior U.S. civilian in Zabul province, an area considered to be under the thumb of the Taliban.
Hoh believes that the war itself is fueling the Taliban, and history is a good indicator of their ability to work under pressure.
“I have lost understanding of and confidence in the strategic purposes of the United States’ presence in Afghanistan,” he wrote Sept. 10 in a four-page letter to the department’s head of personnel. “I have doubts and reservations about our current strategy and planned future strategy, but my resignation is based not upon how we are pursuing this war, but why and to what end.”
In an effort to muffle this critic’s assessment, U.S. Ambassador Karl Eikenberry offered him a position on his staff. Hoh declined, but continues to meet with strategists and officials to discuss the way forward, or the way out.
“We want to have some kind of governance there, and we have some obligation for it not to be a bloodbath,” Hoh said. “But you have to draw the line somewhere, and say this is their problem to solve.”
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Early Morning Optimist: Your Time is Up
There exists a strange sort of optimism that only comes around during the first 5 to 10 minutes of being awake. After you open your eyes, and before you are propelled at full speed toward the coffee pot, your brain is still working to maintain a dream like state. This is both good and bad. The good comes in the form of child like relief, a new day brings new chances. The bad comes shortly thereafter when you hear the first big news story of the day, usually something that involves gang rape or child molestation, and realize that no matter how hopeful you may be the world is still an awful place to live.
It’s no surprise that most people you bump into everyday are on some combination of anxiety pills and/or anti depressants. With big screen televisions and high definition pictures, we can see every tear roll down little Jennifer’s face while she is forced to stand in front of 20 or 30 cameras and microphones and relive the most traumatic event of her young life. And that’s just the morning! Later we get to watch a mother describe at great lengths the steps she took prior to drowning her 2 baby sons. After that, we’ll cut to a trial where a major defense contractor for the United States has served up a big plate of rape for its male soldiers, and the ladies are hushed with a $50 check and a reminder that they signed a vow of silence upon joining.
Yesterday I read a story about a man who hadn’t seen his daughter in 2 years, so he proposed a sexual relationship with his 13-year-old child. It began with Facebook messages, which the girl quickly showed to her mother, who immediately called Dateline NBC. When the father showed up–with a full, unopened box of condoms–the police were waiting to lock his rotten ass up. You’ll get all the filthy sex you want in prison, Bubba. You’re about to enter a new food chain, and you won’t be anywhere near the top.
This truly is a wicked world, and there’s a good chance that no matter what kind of heavy handed law enforcement stands between those jackals and their prey, the beasts will always get their fill. Especially when someone like Roman Polanski–who drugged and raped a 13-year-old girl–has a whole network of celebrities and officials in his corner. No matter, Roman. You don’t need to go to prison for punishment, I’m sure there are plenty of rough looking biker-types on the outside who would be more than happy to take a stab at your famous ass in a dark alley somewhere.
The morning has turned to noon, and optimism makes way for cynicism. The world shows it’s true colors once more.
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New Medical Marijuana Policy: It’s Medicine Not Dope
Medical marijuana users and suppliers can rest easy tonight knowing that the dogs have been called off. Obama should be awarded a Nobel Pot Prize, no doubt he deserves that.
Patients have long been cautious of law enforcement even though their medicine is legal under state legislation. They have lived in fear of the DEA, who maintain a particularly dim witted and uneducated view of cannabis as medicine. During Bush’s horrifying reign over our country the feds made it a point to target these damn hippies regardless of state law. You can imagine the joy on their faces when they hear that the government has decided to direct their attention and enormous manpower elsewhere.
There are fourteen states that recognize marijuana’s medical value to some extent: Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington.
A memo has been sent to federal prosecutors in these states, as well as the higher-ups in the FBI and DEA, to make their objectives clearer.
The memo, the officials said, emphasizes that prosecutors have wide discretion in choosing which cases to pursue, and says it is not a good use of federal manpower to prosecute those who are without a doubt in compliance with state law.
…the memo urges prosecutors to pursue marijuana cases which involve violence, the illegal use of firearms, selling pot to minors, money laundering or other crimes.
This is the biggest leap forward in health care reform to come out of the new presidency. According to Procon.org over 577,000 people in the United States use medical marijuana, and that’s only including the ones who registered for identification cards–which isn’t required in three states.
Source: 420 Magazine
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Close Calls and Free Falls: Dodging the DEA
“Well Dan, they’ve got all they need. They’ll be coming after me soon, so we’d better get this show on the road!” I was nervous, for reasons that even I couldn’t understand. Someone ratted me out, but who? And why? I was furious, but I couldn’t let that get in the way of my concentration. The DEA would be busting down my door any time now and I had to make sure they didn’t find anything.
“The whiskey and beer are fine, they can’t get me for that. Grab the pot jars, the mushroom farm, the acid, and all the leftover pills.” I could only hope we didn’t miss anything, it was too late for the fine tooth comb.
“I think I know who the rat is.” Dan was obviously out of his mind, and the only way I could trust him is if he had a head full of acid–which he did. ”It’s got to be someone who is completely against the counter-culture, more than likely a religious fanatic.” The suspense was killing me, but I knew who he was referencing. ”Why would my own grandmother call the drug cops on me?” It sounds like a serious question, but it wasn’t. That’s the sad part. In her own twisted way, sicking the DEA on me was a caring act of honest concern. It made so much sense I was tempted to vomit right where I stood.
Legal Pot, Fat Babies, And Gay Rights All In One Day
This is shaping up to be a strange and interesting day for the news. When I woke up, there was news of further decriminalization of marijuana in California–which prompted me to reach for my bong and a particularly dense bud to smoke in a strange sort of salute–and that’s good news for everyone. I’m surprised there aren’t pot clinics all over the United States already. There is an app for the iPhone that will locate doctors who prescribe cannabis, and dispensaries where you can get the best stash. That shit is bound to catch on as soon as everyone realizes how profitable it is, especially in this nation of crooked politicians and greedy whores.
Legalize Marijuana and Watch the Prison Industry Crumble
I was sitting at my morning post in the kitchen, trying to decide which country to flee to should health care reform not pass. Canada was winning by a long shot when something from the television caught my attention.
The always sensible dope-heads in California are pushing hard for marijuana legalization. Expect to see up to three different measures on the 2010 ballot. Even the most conservative plan sounds like a clear winner, a ray of sunshine to a whole generation of rain.
It would allow any person over the age of 21 to posses up to an ounce on their person, which is more than enough for most occasions. It would also permit citizens to grow their own plants in an area up to 5 ft by 5 ft. Now that doesn’t sound like a very big space, but the fact that it’s legal makes all the difference in the world. Any half-wit with access to the internet could educate themselves enough to implement a rotating cannabis crop with good yields all year round.
California is always at the head of the pack when it comes to these progressive issues, or at least it seems that way to an outsider. Their emissions standards and plans for environmental focus are being adopted by the federal government, and with any luck the reformation of marijuana laws in California will have the same effect.
Conservative Bible Project : The Next Step in American Jihad
A new article at The Huffington Post sheds light on a fresh project by conservatives to eliminate the devilish seduction of liberal values in the Bible.
As per usual, the language of the book is to blame. It is to be updated using a “Wikipedia-like group” where users will change anything from basic translation to overall meaning. The goal of the group is to return the holy book to it’s conservative roots, and remove passages that seem too sympathetic to scum such as adulterers and thieves–as well as the poor and sick.
Below is a list of rules for the transformation, which will likely gear up all the village idiots for an oppressive religious reign.
Seth Macfarlane’s Pot Promoting Cartoon Banned in Venezuela
The Venezuelan government caught wind of a special episode of Family Guy, which aired on April 20th and was dedicated entirely to marijuana. Justice Minister Tareck El Aissami was outraged, and called for a country-wide ban of the show.
Any network who continues to broadcast this hilarious, spot-on social commentary will be fined into submission. President Hugo Chavez’ team of prison guards is also preparing to implement a few new rules regarding Venezuela’s cable entertainment. The most notable is the possible requirement to air Chavez’ constant leakage of greed and oppression driven nonsense, referred to by officials as speeches.
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